Disappointment - Expectations = Grace
Math was never my strong suit in school but there were two types of mathematics operations I was always good at: subtracting and multiplying!
When we are in relationships with other people especially family or marriage, we expect them to act or behave or even talk a certain way. Based on our history with them, we have very strong desires to require certain responses from them. Sometimes its even the past and past experiences that lead us to expect or demand certain things from them. We even demand and try to control their future based on how we want or think they should be. Sounds like a bunch of empty and unfulfilling and unfair rules doesn't it?
We all tend to hold expectations of other people, don't we? And the worse kind are the unspoken expectations. When those expectations go unmet or unfulfilled, we tend to feel empty. Sometimes we even feel deprived as if the right to have a certain response or behavior has been taken from us. If more than one expectation goes unfulfilled, especially without reconciliation or a response, the disappointment tends to have a snowball effect until you realize that you aren't even speaking to that person.
And what tends to make matters worse is how we respond to the disappointments. Sometimes we respond in anger and seek retribution and vindication. Sometimes we withdraw and retreat and limit our interactions with that individual. Sometimes we approach or confront the individual which leads to a very uncomfortable and God dis honoring conversation.
So what does math have to do with disappointments?there are two things I remember from teaching math when I was in the classroom. #1 - Subtraction always takes away from the whole and focuses on what's left. Disappointments do the same thing. Disappointments tend to take away one's focus on the good qualities in a person and what they need to be deified in the body of Christ. When someone disappoints me, I no longer see how well they are at communicating honesty to me but I see how this one instance has left me focusing on their shortcoming. #2 - Multiplication is like repeated addition. In the same way disappointments lead me to focus on a person's mistake, it also prompts me to begin thinking of other instances where that person has disappointed me before or how that person "always" disappoints me. Ever find yourself doing that?
The answer to this problem = GRACE! What does grace stand for?
G - Giving
R - Retribution
A - A
C - Conscious
E - Exit
Grace allows us to see those positive things and qualities in something or someone else. It takes our focus off of ourselves and what we think and outs it on the other person and what they need or lack. In other words grace lessens our pride and increases our humility (James 4:6).
The next time someone disappoints you, try to Give Retribution A Conscious Exit and focus in how you can meet that person's shortcoming.
